Heya gang. Well, due to my friend Lil Bob's sudden popularity as a burgeoning writer , I - Jack, asked Handsome Ron, cub reporter, to sit down with this young man and really put the nipple clamps to him in true break neck interview style. The following account is from an attempt at an ambush interview conducted by Handsome Ron. The first portion of audio was almost entirely made up of garbled phrases that were completely unintelligible. It sounded like someone (someone like Ron) was gargling the word "Roberto" or possibly "Robot". Here's were the decipherable portion of the tape started: (Sounds of door opening and closing.) Handsome Ron: Hi there, Little Bob, how are you? Lil Bob: Cut the shit Ron. You Scientologists scare me. (Sounds of Handsome Ron sitting down.) HR: Listen, this interview is not about the Chur- LB: It should be! You guys are jerks. HR: Hey! Wait a mmmm- (Sounds of sudden scuffle, papers flying, then something heavy falls down. There's a one and a half minute section of silence afterward.) LB: Look, (catching breath) all I'm saying is that the plot of Star Wars is more coherent than Scientology. HR: Eps 4-6 or 1-3? LB: Oh come on Ron! Cat, will you get serious? The Immaculate Conception of Anakin Skywalker? NSYNC? George Lucas single-handedly created then destroyed every one of my childhood beliefs. HR: Ok, ok - I'll give you that one. LB: Yeah. (Sounds of footsteps of door slamming.) According to Handsome Ron, the "official" interview ended pretty abruptly. The following was transcribed from a series of befouled cocktail napkins. Apparently written in Crayola: "Lil Bob? The [unknown word fragment] fella was born in another time. At one point, Lil Bob was a champion [unknown word fragment] but hung it up. Now, in his semi-retirement from [unknown word fragment], he pursues [his] passions: lounge music, velvet Elvii and pursuing the one true path to mediocrity: Writing. Oh yeah, I wrote this mostly because I gave Ron a black eye." So that's it - that's all we could dig up on the promising young Lil Bob. Stay tuned for many more bungled interviews with the cast of Jack's Shocking Lack of Restraint. So long for now, gang. THE END |
Comments